Relationship Tuning

Tending all 3 Aspects of a Relationship - You, the Other(s) and the Relationship.

During my organizational conflict training - one technique taught to help establish great teams was to begin with a half hour of “how do we want to work together?” dialogue. This allows each person to express what is important to them and understand what is important for the others to enable success as a team.

Every time there is a change in the team (someone new joins, or someone leaves, for example) it is key to sit down and review and update this ‘understanding’. This simple process was critical and enabled collaboration and success in every team I was on during the Master of Arts program.

A fellow student who was in the political conflict training stream did not have this course and, in contrast, the teams she was on were in conflict to the point of team break downs, or one person writing the whole paper rather than it being a shared and cooperative experience.

Of course change is always constant in our personal relationships as well. As we evolve, grow and heal those close to us in our life feel those shifts, consciously or unconsciously. Maybe it comes through changes in our circumstances (eg., a job opportunity, some stress that motivates us to do something different, something that inspires us to follow a dream, etc.) or we outgrow a situation or approach to life.

This can trigger fear and in some cases ‘reactions’ that are not supportive of growth in the relationship. If one person is hanging on to how things were, and the other is shifting, it can create tension. How do you engage with your key relationships when things change? New job, move, children born or leaving home, education, retirement - anything that causes you and your partner to begin to shift your priorities or what is important changes. How do you stay in tune with the shifts in each other and move in collaboration and mutual growth rather than building resentments or increasing conflict and separation?

Kim Anami (a holistic sex and relationship coach) teaches the importance of keeping the space between you and your intimate partner clear - one key way of doing this is through regular (weekly at minimum) times of sitting together with the intention of really listening and speaking about anything that has come up, anything that is important to each partner. Of course the key teaching she provides is sex and how that can be a powerful healing tool and source of creation and manifestation. Pleasure vs a pill - choice is easy….but requires deep commitment to self and other.

In my experience it can be challenging to bring a long term relationship into this way of operating when there is a build up of unresolved issues.

And often there are days, weeks, months, years … sometimes decades of built up problems, memories, grudges and grievances held. Which then … it becomes overwhelming to tackle. Even using the incredible natural medicine of sex - can be a challenge when the relationship is out of balance for a long time.

Counselling has its benefits but without integrating with other approaches can result in repeating the stories and keep a person in the drama (victim, perpetrator, rescuer) triangle. See diagrams below based on Eric Berne’s book. Potentially breaking out of this cycle depends on the persons capacity to receive love and what they do subconsciously to attract love. Taking ownership of our creations and experiences.

There are also times when something that may have happened in childhood or some previous time comes up to be healed. Something that we may not have had the container, the tools, or the capacity to resolve and heal at the time of the event. It may show up in other relationships or experiences - calling us to heal and resolve it now.

Can energy work, including sound healing, help clear the built up issues?

It is still key that in our relationships we have the capacity to listen and speak from our heart - resolve and address issues as they arise - so in my view it is not a replacement for dialogue. But… I do believe it can help tackle some of the built up issues / energy, allowing people to focus on what is important to resolve, renegotiate, restore. It can shift us energetically as well - opening us to a more expanded consciousness and view of life, help us take a quantum leap, give our bodies and minds the chance to rest and digest, increase our capacity to be present with ourselves and others. And of course, like every aspect of evolution, it requires some shift in our daily activities, our perceptions, our circumstances - it’s more than just going to a session or event.

We can have the quantum leap, the clarity, the calm, or the greater sense of connection, but shifting our patterns or daily activities after a session to anchor the new perception and understanding is necessary. It is a daily activity in my experience to identify and shift out of patterns like victim consciousness.

Why not ... use sound and vibration to shift the ‘frequency’ in your relationship, clear out blocks and past energetic disharmony? Tune in to yourself, your partner and your relationship, allow sound and vibration to open you to quantum leaps and more ease, harmony and balance.

Sessions are now available for couples, or any key relationship, where two people are wanting to shift the dynamics or patterns, clear out the energetic debris and experience greater harmony and intimacy. The sessions are 1.5 hours and include Biofield Tuning, Acutonics and guided processes such as forgiveness, chakra clearing, etc.

Ego

Interesting way to think about our responses, reactions to situations and people.

Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy: A Systematic & Social Psychiatry by Eric Berne

Victim Consciousness

This is a powerful pattern that I experience within myself and witness in the world.

Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy: A Systematic & Social Psychiatry by Eric Berne

Stay tuned for more episodes on conflict and your health.